A little over a year ago, I got a new job at a fantastic
company. While I love the friends I have made and the stability it has brought
to my life, it has kind of consumed all my energy. I wake up at 5:30 every
morning to sleepily commute my way to work in an hour long train ride where I
fight not to drool on the person sitting next to me. First world problems,
right? But oh, do I hate waking up that early. I am not a flowers and sunshine
person first thing. So after commuting to the city, working my 8 hours, and
commuting home, I found myself falling into a pattern of work, sleep, repeat,
with little in between.
Which sadly had its consequences: no writing, no activity,
and at best, an ambivalent attitude towards being healthy/taking care of
myself. I felt dazed in my life, half asleep and just meandering along without
any real goals. Then, for whatever reason, last week I had my first big idea.
I am an overthinker. Give me a simple situation, and I can
overcomplicate it to the extreme. A late night worrier, sometimes paralyzed by
indecision. But sometimes this all bottles up inside of me to the point where I
get so fed up with myself, I finally just do
something. The need to act in a way outside my own comfort levels, to surprise
myself.
It started with, for me, a rather dramatic change. I loved
my long hair. It was swishy, and flowy, and starting to make me feel kind of
like a princess. Yet, I’ve always wanted to donate it. But … the overthinking. I always regret
cutting my hair short (I’ve done it before but at the time, I was blonde, and
you can’t donate bleached hair). To me, I look much better with longer hair.
Still, it has always been a dream of mine and a bucket item list. So, in that
strange rush of decisiveness that sometimes takes hold, I decided to cut it,
booked an appointment, and chopped off 10 inches to donate within a 2 day
period. The result? Yes, I still miss my long hair (I’m a vain creature), but
it makes me warm in my heart to think that maybe, my donated hair is making
someone, who is struggling through a tough time, feel beautiful.
This week, I’m taking on a healthy eating 10 day challenge (hint:
Advocare) and trying to overcome my natural habitat of slothing away on the
couch. How’s it going, you ask? Well …
I did just finish shot-gunning through episodes of Downton Abbey (what will I
do without my new friends?), but I am happy to say I did it without a delicious
bag of Cheetos by my side (oh yum …).
Then, against this backdrop of my personal challenges, my
mom got into a car accident. Luckily, happily, so ever most importantly, she is
alright. A bit of a stiff back and bruised pride, but my mom is safe and whole.
Her car, slightly less so. But things are just things. It’s scary, to think how
quickly it can be over. How easily her driving misstep could have become
something much worse.
If anything, the accident woke me up more. I hope in a permanent way. It’s not easy for me, this being present in life. This pushing beyond comfort zones to carpe diem or make the world my oyster. I would much rather be sitting on the couch with some cheesy snacks, doing my part to get Anna out of prison, or trying to help Thomas be less of a nasty plotter.
Life is short. I don’t know what is ahead of me, or how long
the path is. I can only make the most of my today. To be awake and fully in the
moment. So that’s my new goal. I hope I can stay true to it, although I’m
certain I’ll stumble along the way. I hope this means new novels and more
writing achievements along the way. But for today, I’m happy with my little
goals and achievements. My joy in the sunshine outside (hey, this is Seattle,
you take what you can get!). And if someone out there reads this, and it sparks
a little flame of energy inside their chest, then all the better. We can help
each other stay awake. I promise to poke you if you start to fall asleep.
Promise to do the same?
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